We never did find Carmen Sandiego, did we? That fedora-rocking anti-heroine hid throughout the entire world and then throughout all of time and space (remember that bizarre, Doctor Who-esque knockoff? With the dude in the shiny jumpsuit? What on earth were the '90s doing with themselves?) and yet we still never quite got her behind bars for very long. She's a slippery one, that eternal menace to worldly monuments. And while her television days might be over, she might soon be seeing her debut on the big screen.

Jennifer Lopez, of all people, is fronting the project. She's teamed her own production company, Nuyorican Productions, up with Walden Media and she's set to both produce and star in the whole affair. It'll be a live action type deal, meaning that Lopez will be the first actress to physically portray Ms. Sandiego since the character debuted in an educational computer game way back in 1985. She's always been an animated villain but with Lopez's help she'll finally make her way into the third dimension. 

There's no word yet as to who will be penning the script for the feature, but the plot will allegedly follow Carmen Sandiego as she strives to become the world's premiere super-thief, competing with a former partner who questions her true intentions. Seems a little complex given that the plot of the games and the shows revolved around a single, henchman-assisted theft followed by a fully educational but brief unraveling of its mystery. It doesn't sound like we'll be seeing any gumshoes on the case this time around, though--just kid-friendly action and fabricated drama.

I know Ms. Lopez is a full-time businesswoman these days, and I respect her for that, but she's much better at building her own celebrity than actually, well, acting. Can't she pretend to emote somewhere away from my treasured childhood memories? Couldn't she have hired a full-time actor for the job? If she's trying to play the nostalgia card to get folks from my generation into theater seats, she picked the wrong lady to fill that role. Ms. Sandiego is a woman of depth, mystery, and intrigue--none of which I've seen anything of in any Lopez performance. The casting is not yet 100% confirmed, so let's hope that J-Lo has the better sense to opt out of that one and fill the role with someone with a little more subtlety.

Oh, and if they don't get the rights to that Rockapella theme song for the opening credits, I'm giving up on the whole thing. I mean, why even bother?